The Word became flesh...and moved into the hood

Excerpt from Jonathan Kozol's "Amazing Grace"

2010-07-03T21:41:00.003-05:00

From Jonathan Kozol's "Amazing Grace: The Lives of Children and the Conscience of a Nation"

"The message of the gospel is unalterably clear. 'Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not away.' Those are the words of Jesus." No exception, she notes, is made for the stranger who talks too loud in crowded trains, or who may be partially deceiving us about his actual condition, or who offends us by his importunity or by his dirtines, or color.

"Do you think of [New York City]," I ask, "as a Judeo-Christian city?"

"I wish I could say yes, but I don't know. If it were, I doubt that we could lead the kinds of lives we do. I think that we'd be asking questions all the time. 'Where does my money come from? Who pays a price for all the fun I have? Who is left out? Do I need this bottle of expensive perfume more than a child needs a doctor or a decent school? What does it mean, in theological terms, when grown-ups can eat caviar while Anthony eats oatmeal? What does this say about a city's soul?'"

Resting in hope and dependence

2009-08-03T19:33:00.004-05:00

I sat on my porch tonight trying to write a concise post about the all the feelings I've had about the neighborhood over the last few weeks. As I started and quickly abandoned a handful of posts, all I could do was cry.

Cry for five years of work, play, joy and sorrow all sown into this neighborhood.
Cry for kids growing up.
Cry for the kids who are changing when I had all but given up hope.
Cry for the kids I had all the hope in the world for who are digging in their heels.
Cry for a million other things that I don't know how to express.
Crying tears of joy and sadness all at the same time.

This summer has been immensely refreshing for me. Being in Glenwood for 5 years now, I have experienced significant seasons of spiritual drought. But this summer, particularly during and after camp, I have come to know a joy and lightheartedness I never thought I'd get back. As hard as things are in Glenwood, the last month in this neighborhood has pure joy, and that's something I haven't been able to say for the last few years.

What has made the difference? I'm not 100% sure. Things haven't significantly changed in Glenwood. All of the same problems are still here. BUT, I feel like I'm looking through a new lens. God has brought significant emotional healing to me recently, which has given me a greater hope for our friends in the neighborhood. He's also been teaching me to release control to him (in a number of way), because the truth is, he knows what he's doing and he'll always speak when necessary. It's funny how placing our hope and dependence in Christ can shift our outlook so significantly.

By shifting my hope and dependence back to Christ, I am experiencing the rest my spirit so desperately needs...and out of that rest comes joy unspeakable.

Prayer

2009-07-20T21:08:00.003-05:00

This weekend my thoughts frequently drifted back to this incident (and this follow up).

It still breaks my heart. Tonight, I'm praying for all those recovering from domestic violence, and for those still trapped in it...both the victims and the abusers.

Let's pray for them together.

I hate that I have to be cautious...

2009-06-16T20:49:00.003-05:00

I was just hanging up the phone after a conversation with my mom, rounding the corner into my living room. I looked to the front door and saw a black sweatshirt hood in the window of my front door. I usually have the curtain down, but had pulled it up to let some sunshine in today...of course, it was dark now, so I could not see who it was. I assumed it was one of the kids, although the person seemed too tall. Three siblings showed up a few months ago and tried to scare me by knocking on my door and covering their faces completely with their hoods. Needless to say, their giggles gave them away. Tonight, though, it was not one of them.

The man had jumpy eyes...my guess is that he was using. He was looking for a man who lived here who used to help him out with food sometimes when he was hungry. I let him know that the guy (if it was even the same one!) moved out a year and a half ago. He asked if I had some money I could give him to get something to eat. I let him know that I didn't have any cash and that I was sorry. He left.

I don't have a lot of food in my house right now, but I did have a pack of peanuts and some crackers I could've given him. I just didn't feel comfortable opening the door. We were speaking through the door, so we both had to be close to hear one another, but he was pushed extremely close. Having the suspicion that he was using made me even less willing to open it. It's not that I think he would have tried to harm me, but it would have been VERY easy for him too.

All that to say, I hate that I could have helped, and didn't. I hate that I have to be cautious. I hate that I have to worry about protecting myself. I wish that it was as easy as opening the door, inviting him in and sharing a meal. But as a single woman, that's just not an option.
I trust that God will provide food for him. I know that his provision does not rely on me. I just hate that the world is broken to the point that I feel like I have to fear people.

Why do you go to Hooters?

2009-06-15T19:37:00.003-05:00

Our neighborhood dance team had a recital a few weeks ago and I was in charge of the boys who came to volunteer. I had about 6 or 7 middle school boys. We had a blast. The boys are a lot of fun to work with -- they may be knuckleheads sometimes, but in general, they're pretty drama free.

Anyhow, after the recital, I loaded the boys up in the church van to take them home. On the way to drop one of the boys off, we passed a Hooters. What followed cracked me up!

MS Boy #1: HOOTERS!!!!!!
MS Boy #2: Oh, Miss Dayna! We want to go to Hooters!! (all the boys joined in at this point)
Me: You have got to be kidding me! There's no WAY I'm going to take you to Hooters. Y'all must be crazy!
MS Boy #1: CHICKEN WINGS!!!
Me: Really?! Now I KNOW you don't want to go for the wings!
MS Boy #3 (the youngest one in the van): No, we want to go for the chicken BREAST!
Me: Wow...that was a good one, but I'm still not takin' ya!

It's terrible, I know, but oh so witty! They had me rolling!

Tom Brady

2009-03-10T08:54:00.003-05:00

This seems to be circulating through the conference circuit right now...I know I've seen it twice in the last couple of months. You can search youtube to see the whole interview.

I saw the father...

2009-02-14T18:47:00.004-05:00

I got to see who many call the Father of Hip Hop last night...DJ Kool Herc!!

Winston-Salem State University hosted the Hip Hop Is Reality Summit this weekend, ending with a bboy battle djed by a few local guys as well as DJ Kool Herc.

It was really cool to be there to see someone whose influence is still seen in today's culture.

New layout

2009-01-25T18:09:00.002-05:00

I have a new blog layout, so if you're in a reader or on facebook, come on over and check it out.

Besides the fact that it just looks cool, I'm excited about this layout because it truly does reflect my hope for my neighborhood. Out of the hurt, pain, and frustration of the city can grow life, hope and love.

Violence, Part 2

2009-01-23T17:45:00.003-05:00

I've had some time to think since my last post on the domestic violence that I witnessed, and I feel like it warrants a follow-up. Stick with me here...it's not as long as it looks...

Many people responded to my post on Facebook, this blog, and in person. Most of them said that I made the right decision, that you have to be careful not to put yourself in harm's way, and that I could have gotten hurt if I had intervened. And in general, they were right.

BUT...

Based on my life experiences, I don't think that I'll make the same choice again.

I grew up in a home plagued by domestic violence. I experienced some directly, but watched my mom take the brunt of it. It was hell on earth. It still is hell on earth, sometimes, even though it's not happening any more. The effects of domestic violence reach far beyond the time they occur.

It has been interesting for me to stop and think about the emotions that I felt. First, there was a suffocating fear. Like my heart was being squeezed to the point of pain, and all the air gone from my lungs. I felt the blood drain from my face, and felt the feeling powerlessness that was all too familiar as a child. The feeling of not being able to stop the horror unfolding in front of me. Then came the adrenaline: the urgency to call the police, the attention to every detail, the need to get someone to help. Finally, the fury. I was not only mad for her, but mad for myself, for my mom, for other women I know who have been abused, and for all the women I don't know. There is a righteous fury that survivors of domestic violence hold inside of them...one that isn't generally seen until provoked. It was that righteous fury that made me wish I had intervened.

And honestly, so what if I end up with a black eye, a broken arm? Wounds heal. I know that stepping in would neither cause the abuser to immediately drop to his knees and repent, nor empower the woman to stand up and walk away. More likely, she would simply go back home and refuse to press charges, and the cycle would continue. BUT, if for just one minute, she stopped and thought that someone loved her...stopped to wonder why a stranger would stop to get involved, that could be seed enough for a change down the road. A seed that I hope would eventually point to Christ, and the unimaginable love that he gives.

Yes, there are risks involved. But having LIVED in domestic violence, the risks are totally worth it. Some women never feel empowered enough to leave. Some men are never questioned. I don't think I can save the world. I don't feel like I need to intervene. For me, it's just the right thing to do. I've spoken with other survivors who feel the same.

Christ's love compels Christians to share with others, on account of the forgiveness, grace and mercy He gives. It's an undeniable, uncontainable joy, and they are compelled to share that with others.

Similarly, living through domestic violence compels the survivor to make a difference in the lives of women living through it now. They know the taste of freedom, and cannot stand to see another woman still in bondage.

Violence

2009-01-05T21:10:00.002-05:00

I’ve lived in Glenwood for four and a half years now. I know domestic violence happens here. I’ve heard about it. I’ve heard it. I’ve seen the effects of it.

Tonight, I saw it.

As I rounded the corner of Union Street and Silver Avenue, a man punched a woman in the head, knocking her to the ground. He then continued to threaten her. Less than a minute later, they were both getting back in their car, pulling away.

I wanted to get out and help her. But, fear of getting hurt myself kept me in my car. I pulled over and called the police, keeping an eye on them the whole time. Of course, the couple left long before the police even started their cars.

As I pulled away, fury set in. I wish I had gotten out of the car. Screamed. Yelled. Fought. Done something to help her. I don’t care if I would have been hurt.

In the end, I know the “smart” decision was to stay in the car. But at this moment, I regret it.

I hope she's alright when they get home.

You can vote however you like

2008-11-01T10:50:00.000-05:00

Love this! Makes me think of my kids :)

Treasures

2008-10-24T14:25:00.000-05:00

This is a really awesome ministry I encourage you to check out. The founder/director, Harmony Dust, is a former exotic dancer (who also happens to be married to hip hop artist Pigeon John) who now leads the organization Treasures to reach out to exotic dancers. I had read an article about the organization in a magazine, but had the pleasure of hearing her speak in May at a conference.

Check it out!

They're serving more than nuggets & fries at Wendy's...

2008-09-17T20:55:00.000-05:00

Not really. Well, at least the employees aren't.

I saw a drug deal at Wendy's tonight. It was equally clever and stupid, all at the same time. I pulled in behind a car in the drive through line. There wasn't anyone ahead of us, so the white car before me pulled right up to the speaker to place an order. A man got out of the passenger seat and walked to a car pulled into a space at the very back of the parking lot. This was, of course, only about two car lengths from the drive through lane. He got in the passenger seat of the parked car (which had a man inside) and made his transaction. Meanwhile, the lady driving the car in front of me took FOREVER to place her order. It was obvious she was stalling. First she ordered a burger with so many changes that it filled the entire order screen. Then, she orderd a kids meal, made all the choices that came with it, then cancelled that and ordered an adult meal, and, well, you get the point. After about a minute or so, the guy walked back across the parking lot, got in the car, and they pulled forward.

I say it was clever because a fast food joint is expected to have a high volume of in and out traffic. Doing it while in the drive-thru lane was even better...I mean, who looks behind the restaurant? Nobody except for other drive-thru patrons, which is where the stupidity comes in. I sat behind them and watched all of this. Wrote down their tag number, make and model of their car, descriptions, time, etc. Anyone with a set of eyes and half a brain could tell what was going on. Granted, I don't know that I'll do anything. I didn't actually SEE drugs...just the exchange of something.

This is where I always get stuck -- do you call the police when you have no proof that something illegal happened? Do you wait for a second occurrence just to make sure that you're right? I don't want to seem presumptuous, but at the same time, I don't want it to keep happening.

I did act quickly one time, but to no avail. There was a very distinctive smell in my backyard, to the point it was overpowering. I had to come inside to catch my breath. It was meth. No doubt in my mind. I called the police and the fire department was here in the shortest amount of time I've ever seen. But of course, no smell when they got here. Are they keeping an eye out in the area now? I'd like to think so, but who knows. All I got was a group of firemen sniffing, literally, around my backyard. Upon leaving, the head guy told me to "keep a sniffer out." Righty-oh, will do.

Anyhow, I don't think it was a total waste to have them come out, but when something is so fleeting, here for a moment and gone the next, it's hard to get people involved. Even if I had called GPD about Wendy's, the people were gone.

Clearly, this is an ongoing question. I don't know why I'm so reluctant to call the police about some things...

My Sister

2008-08-24T19:09:00.000-05:00

My sister, Tessa, got to come and visit recently. We had an amazing time. I didn't realize how much I missed my family until I got to spend a few weeks with her. I hope and pray that I'll be closer to my family soon.

3rd Camp Essay

2008-06-15T21:30:00.001-05:00

Here's the next essay in the series. Topic: What do you think the perfect president would be like?

My Essay on The Best Pres.
I think the best president would stop the gas prices from going up, stop the
war, and help the community. Well you havent heard anything yet.
Another thing that I think the best president would be like is they would
fundraise to the poor.
The Best President would make fair laws to all equal
rights. He/She would do more activities for children to stay active.
They would also help the economy/nature. To tell you the truth I really
dont know what the best president would be like, but if I put myself or imagine
me in those footsteps I would know so the best president would let all equal
rights have the freedom to say/speak their minds without having to go to
jail. They would let the people march or stand up for things they believe
in without being punished.
I think the best presidents would be better
than any other job. Im running out of things but I'll try to keep
going. Well......I also think they would have fair authorities. To
me a best president would protect his/her country, doing what is best for the
people. Im not very good at this but im trying my best. No more
interruptions, carrying on.
Well once again as I was saying the best president
would be more of a role model to little kids. Telling them whats right and
whats wrong. They would make sure that the little kids be happy. The
most important part of a Best pres. is to NEVER TURN AGAINST your country TO
stick with them, hey! maybe even stand up for them. The key to knowing
what the best Pres. is is to know what that person is like. It depends on
how the person is, how they act and how their role modeling skills are. Do
they inspire kids? Do they take care of homeless people? What do you
think? The last thing is I think the best pres. would never leave a child
behind in school or anything. They would help the homeless.

One month...

2008-06-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!

Woohoo! Just wanted to let you know so that you can save up for the awesome birthday present you're going to give me :)

Essays...

2008-06-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

The kids essays have started coming in a little more now, and it's been fascinating to read them. I shared one with you in my last post, when I asked you to guess what grade the writer was in. For the record, he was in 7th grade.

It's been neat to read the kids' opinions when it comes to what the perfect president would be like, and you can pick up hints of what each family is going through based on the things that are important to each child. I want to share some more of these with you -- I'll post one at a time over the next few days or so. Feel free to comment if something strikes you, but definitely take time to consider what is heavy on the hearts of this generation.

The Prefect President
Hi my name is ____ _____ _____. I am about to tell you what I think The Prefect President would be.
First I think that the prefect president would be black. I think this because there is no black presidents. It would be the first all black president.
Secondly I think it should be a all black female because it hasn't been a all black female either.
Next I would want it too be demacrate. I want it to be that because that is may favorite president side.
That is all the thing I would want in a president.
That is not all I want. This is the rest of the things I want too happening when this prefect president is choosing.
First I would want her to stop the war. Then I would want her too make peace with every single place in the world.
After that I would want her too send all The soilder home to be with there family.
Then I would want her to stop immagation.
I would walso want every body to have a job. I would want all the bumb to have somewhere to live with lots of food.
I would want all the bad thing to stop with who every listen to the president. She will be so prefect that she will serve 8 yrs in the Presidents place. So every body will call her the prefect president.

What grade do you guess?

2008-06-08T20:25:00.002-05:00

One of the kids turned in his camp essay recently. Overall, it's one of the more coherent ones I've seen. Still, I figured I'd share it so that you can try to guess what grade he's in, based on his writing skills. The assignment was to write a short essay about what they think the perfect president would be like -- what he'd be like, what he'd do, how he'd treat the people, etc. I've copied everything as exactly as possible (going from handwriting to typing).

The Prefect President.

If I could clone a perfect President. He would be... Caring Respecful, Giving, loyal.

Caring to Others. He is going to Care adout the safely of his people and country. He will also try to avoid wars but if he must he will. I think this is important because there are people with cancer that have no money. He will start a fundraiser for them. The money will go straight to their families.

He would respect People and there rights. If he is in the Prime Minister Of China he will Be respectfull. He will bow to show respest.

Giving, He would give food to the poor. He would give money to suppot orphanges He would delevelope parks in low income neighborhoods. They will also have a Boys & Girls Center. This is important BeCause people need to eat and have somewhere safe to go.

Loyal to his people and Country. He will not be deceitful. When he say he is going to do something he will. This is important Because people, and I for one, do not want suprises such as wars.

In Conclusion This is my idea of a pefely cloned president, because he will put his people and country first.

So, what grade do you think he's in?

Funny Quote of the Day

2008-06-08T20:19:00.001-05:00

First, good news -- by the miraculous provision of God, we made $1,200 at the camp fundraising bakesale today! Last year we only made around $200, so this was a huge surprise, Thank you Jesus!

Upon hearing the figure, one of our kids, K, exclaimed

"$1200?? A drug dealer couldn't even make that in a day!!!"

While that statement may or may not be valid, and sounds kind of funny at first, it speaks volumes to the frame of reference our kids live in.

Can I run my fingers through your hair?

2008-06-05T19:36:00.001-05:00

Some days I really wish I was married. Like today, for instance. Not really because I want a husband (I'm pretty content right now...), but because I wouldn't run into situations like this so much...

I stopped to pick up the mail at the Benbow's house, and when I got out of the car, I saw my friend R sitting on the stoop across the street. I had just seen him last night, and we said a quick hey, how are ya, etc., then went on our ways. Here's what happened tonight...

R (on the other side of the street, yelling): Hey! Do you know who I am?

Me: Uh, what?

R: Do you know who I am?

Me: Well, unless I lost my memory between yesterday and today, yeah.

R: (takes off his glasses) You remember me?

Me: R, what are you talking about?? Of course I know who you are. Are you smokin' somethin'?

(R comes over to give me a hug. I try to give him a "side hug," but that's kind of hard when someone's coming at you like a bear coming in for a kill...)

Me: Whoo! You're not smokin' anything but you sure have been drinking!! I can smell it on ya!

(R laughs a little bit)

R: Can I run my fingers through your hair?

Me: WHAT?!

R: What? Can I run my fingers through your hair?

Me: Uh, NO.

R: Well, can I just touch it?

Me: No. I think you need to go sit back down across the street.

R: What? Why?

Me: R, you need to go to bed. Come talk to me when you're not drunk.

R: Okay, well, can I have another hug?

Me: No. You've met your hug quota for the day.

R: My quota?? Alright, well, I love you.

Me: Uh huh.

(I started to walk towards the house at this point)

R: Uh huh?? What do you mean uh huh?

Me: I don't know, uh huh. Is that bad?

R: Yeah it's bad. You're supposed to say I love you too R.

Me: Alright, I love you too, R. Now go to bed.

R: Alright. I'll see you later.

One Day at a Time

2008-06-04T07:19:00.001-05:00

I'm only human;
I'm just a man
Help me believe in what I could be
and all that I am
Show me the stairway
I have to climb
Lord for my sake
Teach me to take
One day at a time

One day at a time, sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you
Give me the strength to do everything
that I have to do
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Help me today
Show me the way
One day at a time.

"We met on the chat line..."

2008-05-26T20:11:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I ran into a teen boy that I got to know a little bit last year. T was sitting on a fence, waiting for his shoes to dry (that could be a whole story in itself). Here's the way our conversation went:

D (me): So, how are things going?

T: Pretty good. I'm getting ready to move to South Carolina.

D: South Carolina? What's there?

T: I'm going to live with my girlfriend.

D: Oh, ok. Do you have a job lined up yet?

T: Yeah, at Burger King.

(Don't laugh yet...it gets better)

D: So, when are you moving?

T: At the end of this week.

D: Geez, you really are moving soon! How'd you meet your girlfriend?

T: We met on the chat line. I figured, now that we've talked for a while, we might as well meet.

D: Wait a minute...you've never met her, and you're moving in with her?!?! What if she's, like, 80 years old and 800 pounds or something???

(I know, I'm a little dramatic sometimes)

T just stares, with a surprised expression on his face.

D: You know she could be lying right? That's pretty crazy to just move in with her when you've never met her.

T: Yeah, I guess maybe we'll just meet this time. I don't know. (with a smirk) I guess she could be 80 years old.

D: And 800 pounds.

(We both kind of laughed for a second)

D: Well, best of luck to you.

Just another crazy day in the neighborhood...

Rejection

2008-05-26T20:02:00.000-05:00

One of our girls, K, is pregnant. 5 months or so, now. About a month ago Suzanne and I took her out to dinner to talk to her about her pregnancy, what her plans were, and to make sure she knew all of her options. Overall, it went very well. We had dinner, then went over to Target to pick up some maternity clothes for her, as she could no longer button her jeans. Later, I went out and picked up one more outfit for her. Everytime we've seen her since then, she's been wearing one outfit or the other, so it was clear that she needed some more clothes. When we were out the first time, we told her that we'd see if we could find some more for her, and she said that sounded fine.

Fast forward to today. A friend of ours bought several outfits for K, and I had picked up another piece or two as well. They've been sitting at my house for a week or two. Today we saw K at her grandma's house, and she didn't speak to us. At all. I figured that she must've just woken up or something -- a lot of our kids are pretty grouchy if they're tired. Later we ran to my house to pick up the bag of clothes to take to her. Suzanne jumped out of the car and took them over to K. To our surprise/dismay/hurt/??? K, with a hardened look on her face, said "I don't want them. I don't need them." And turned away.

I don't know what happened in the last month. I don't know why she's so angry with us, but it's clear something has happened. I wonder if it's the "charity" thing, that maybe someone said something to her about it. I don't know. At this point, I don't even view it as charity. She's a friend, a loved one. Whether she needed maternity clothes or not, I still would have wanted to buy her some, just because it's so exciting.

Anyhow, it didn't bother me so much at the moment, but the more I think about it, the more it saddens me. In a deep, deep way.

What do you want to do when you grow up?

2008-04-21T21:05:00.000-05:00

I went on the women's retreat with my church a few weeks ago. I really liked the speaker. Besides all of the important things like being theologically grounded, spirit-led and compassionate, she was real. What do I mean by that? Well, to start, she's on her 3rd husband. She had bad relationships before coming to Christ, and had really lived through some hard times with her kids. Of course I would never wish the type of life she had on anyone, and I don't think she's a "better" Christian because she's gone through some of the more technicolor "trials and tribulations," but sometimes it's just nice to meet someone who has a common life experience...someone who understands why you act the way you do, or believe things the way you do. Most people who have never experienced abuse first hand are unable to grasp those concepts, and understandably so...the impact abuse has on a person is made on the deepest level of a soul, which is why it's often so hard to get over.

During one of her talks, the speaker mentioned her son. Her second husband was physically abusive, and targeted his stepson most of the time. After they separated, her son did what most kids do, talk about what he wanted to do when he grew up. Except for him, it wasn't become a firefighter or an astronaut. When he grew up, he wanted to kill his step-father. No joke. When she said this, several women in the room looked shocked. Not me...it was a sentiment I knew all too well. While this wasn't my main goal in life, I day dreamt about what it would be like to kill my sister's dad. He made our lives a living hell for several years, and even after he and my mom were separated (and even to this day), he still screwed around with us. I never made a serious plan or anything...just thought about it. I sometimes wished he would come back and attack us one more time, so that I would be justified in shooting him. Don't know where I'd get a gun, but that wasn't relevant. This all happened to be at the same that several news stories broke about teenage boys killing their fathers for abusing their mothers, and they got off scott-free.

I think all this ran through my mind from the time I was 10 years old to 15 or 16 maybe...and I knew I'd never do it. But there was something satisfying about the thought of vengeance. Even though I knew God was in control, and that I needed to leave it to Him, I still dreamt about it. I think at that point, my anger, my rage, owned me. I still fall into hatred sometimes...and still sometimes wish my sister's dad to hell...but God's helping me make progress. I love the idea of grace & forgiveness...but sometimes I just don't understand it...or like it, depending on who it's applied to.

Anyhow, I didn't really set out to bear all of this...they say writing is cathartic, so here it is.

Divorce

2008-04-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

I overheard an interesting conversation in the grocery store near my house today. An older man (in his 70s) ran into a younger man (in his 40s), of whom he had know his parents. Here's a snippet of the conversation:

Older Man: So, how are you? Are you married now?

Younger Man: No, I don't marry 'em...I just live with them!

Cashier: That's not what you're supposed to do!

Younger Man: Well, if I never any of 'em, I won't have to divorce any of 'em either.

Cashier: No, you need to marry them! When I graduate in a few years and become a lawyer, I'll need your money! I can represent you.

That certainly wasn't the reason I expected her to give for him to marry them. A sad sign of the times...

Thank you

2008-04-11T19:45:00.000-05:00

Thank you to whoever it was that sent me a wonderful prayer of encouragement in the mail yesterday. I received it this evening, and it meant more than you know.

Praise be to God.

New House, Prayer List

2008-04-10T22:45:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking of lots of things to blog about lately, but I figured I'd start with this: I'm finally in the new house! It's been an exciting few weeks being in here. The transition was much easier than I expected, but it's probably because I've been so busy I can hardly see straight. Lots of people cautioned me about how weird/scary it would be truly living by myself, but praise the Lord, it really hasn't been. The only thing that still creeps me out a little is taking a shower...wouldn't know if anyone came in or not...but, this too shall pass :)

I got to meet one of my neighbors yesterday. I think she's around my age, has a two year old and lives with her boyfriend in his grandparent's house. She seems really nice, so I'm excited to get to spend some time with her.

Now, some prayer requests for some of the kids in our 'hood. Lots of heartbreak happening right now...
-- 16 year old Y is in jail. She was charged with armed robbery, etc.
-- Twin brothers Z & Z are taking turns in a detention center for (I think) jumping a kid
-- 16 year old K is pregnant, taking the first step into a vicious family cycle
-- 17 year old T is in a destructive relationship, which weighs heavily on her family
-- A family we know has something going on that is having a significant impact on all the kids, but we just can't put our finger on what it is

All of this and lots more. Stay tuned.

An Amazing School Turnaround

2008-03-12T09:26:00.000-05:00

Thought this was a pretty neat story -- wanted to share.

A Plea for Prayer

2007-12-03T15:59:00.000-05:00

I posted recently about the feeling of unrest I have sensed in the neighborhood. It's amazing how you can sense the demons that are at work here. Since that post in October, things have only gotten worse. I wish I could describe the feeling that I have, but I guess we'll just leave it at discernment. It's sort of like a blanket of sadness...you just know that things aren't right. There's a sense of grieving there too, although not for one specific person. Instead, it's for hundreds of people. It's grieving about life, rather than death.

Since the last post, Marshall and I had our tires slashed over Thanksgiving. No reason that I know of as to why, other than an attempt by Satan to discourage us. There have been two shootings this week, the first was a young woman who was shot in "rear end," and thankfully only had minor injuries. The second was a man who died as a result of his injuries (in the article, he's the one who was shot on Gregory St). Just before Thanksgiving, one of the boys I have spent time with in the past was shot, most likely as a result of gang violence. While he's not in our direct neighborhood, he's less than a mile away.

So, now I am asking you to please pray. Pray for our neighborhood, pray for the safety of the people who live here. Pray that the Lord would shower love on the men and women who would do evil. I don't want them to leave, I want them to be transformed. And I believe it can and will happen. Please join us in praising God for our neighbors, and praising Him in advance for the amazing change that is to come in Glenwood.

A Day of Reunion

2007-12-03T15:57:00.000-05:00

As I got out of my car today I heard the familiar call that I have missed so much for the past several months - -“Hey there young lady!” It was *Bob! Bob is a homeless man who stays in my neighborhood quite often. He used to greet me with this, often yelling it from half a block away, several times a week. I looked forward to my chats with Bob. He used to tell me that even he could be a preacher! He’s always been one of my favorite people, mostly because of his constant joy, even in the midst of his heartbreaking situation. Today, we chatted about life, about his long family history in the Masons, and how the female counterpart to the Masons is a group called the Eastern Stars. He updated me on some work he’s been doing. Somehow it came up how old he is. Now, I’ve always assumed Bob was in his mid-50s. Turns out he’s only 43. It’s amazing how much the street can age a person.

True to form, Bob brightened up my day considerably. I don’t know that it was any one thing he said…just his presence.

Lord, I praise you for my dear friend Bob. I pray that he would know how much of a blessing he is to me. I ask that you would give me the opportunity to tell him. In a society where the poor and homeless are terribly mistreated and ignored, I pray that you would instill a sense of pride in Bob. Show him what it means to be adored and cared for by you, his Father. I thank you, Lord, for your unfailing faithfulness.

*Bob is a pseudonym

Boys of Baraka

2007-10-24T20:31:00.000-05:00

I'm a little behind the boat on this movie...but now that I've finally seen it, all I can say is "Yep." It's an outstanding movie, but is nothing new to me. In each of the boys followed in the movie, I saw one of my boys. Boys of Baraka is the story of several inner-city boys chosen from Baltimore to go to school in Kenya, the transformation that takes place while they're there, and the struggles of coming home to the projects.

Here's a video clip of the first 5-6 minutes of the movie...a nice teaser for you!

all is not good in the hood

2007-10-11T21:52:00.000-05:00

My last two posts have been about deaths, and I'm afraid that death is exactly what this one may end in. A shooting occurred today at 3:20pm (broad daylight!) outside a convenience store in Glenwood. Fox 8 News was a little dramatic tonight, calling Glenwood "one of the most dangerous communities in the Piedmont" (with their best dramatic voice...), however they had the most complete story of any of the other news stations, for the time being at least.

The young man was only 20 years old. I wonder if he was involved in some shady activity, or if he was just the unlucky one to stop by Andy's Pantry today. Neither is a reason for someone to get shot in the head. He is in critical condition, so your prayers for the Lord's will would be appreciated. We can rest assured that God is present -- we can prayerfully hope that the young man and his family would recognize that.

---------------------------------------------------------

In light of this post and the previous two, it seems that there are a lot of things being shaken up right now. There seems to be a lot of unrest in the neighborhood, even beyond the mourning felt by several families. Lord, I pray that your peace would be restored to this state, to this city, and to this neighborhood.

Another loss...

2007-10-10T19:13:00.000-05:00

This young lady is a member of one of the largest families in my neighborhood. While I don't know her personally, I know at least 10 of her cousins, as well as many other family members. Your prayers for her family are greatly appreciated, as they try to grapple with the reality of the death of their 8-year old baby.

A Beacon in the Neighborhood

2007-10-06T21:19:00.000-05:00

Wednesday night a few folks in Glenwood had a meeting with Grace's mission pastor, Will Dungee, to do a "status check" of sorts. It was nice to sit with him and just talk about how the neighborhood is doing, how we're feeling, what our vision is, etc. Diane shared that one of her missionary friends came to visit recently and made the comment that our house (and other believers' in the neighborhood) was truly a beacon in the neighborhood. I have definitely seen this to be true on a variety of levels, the most important one being that people always know where to come when they need something -- be it food or a friendly face. This rang true for me this week.

I saw a good friend Thursday night while on my way to UNCG for an InterVarsity Christian Fellowship meeting I was speaking at. My topic for the night was Dependence on God (more on this later), and I was definitely reminded of that during my conversation with my friend. While driving, my friend flagged me down. We made small talk for a few moments, then he turned to leave. As I started to pull off, he came back. He asked if I had heard about the woman who got shot in the head at the hat shop recently. I told him that I hadn't, and he informed me that it was his sister, the last one he had left. I asked him how he was doing, and he immediately responded, "Oh, uh, yeah. I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Then switched gears to how he wanted to tune up my car. It breaks my heart that he lost his sister, but even moreso to know that he's not depending on God to help him through it. The "I'm okay, no worries" response is one I know all to well, one that basically means "I'm just going to pretend that it didn't happen because it's easier that way." So, instead of depending on the one who can truly love and support him through a time like this, Jesus, my guess is that he'll turn to alcohol.

Lord, I pray that you would bless my friend. You know him, and you know the pain he's in. Help him to mourn, and to turn to you when it seems unbarable. Help me know how to support him, and place some men in his life who can speak love and life into him.

Urban Youth Worker's Institute 2008, Baby!

2007-10-03T16:57:00.000-05:00

Let me just tell you...I'm already super psyched about this!

Injustice in the form of a Youth Choir

2007-09-26T18:40:00.000-05:00

I recently met a new student at UNCG and was excited to hear that she had hooked up with a church in Glenwood that was starting a youth choir that would be open to neighborhood kids. Shortly after our initial discussion, she recruited volunteers to hand out flyers at InterVarsity. After IV, she asked me if I thought it was safe to go door to door. I assured her that it would be fine, and gave her a few pointers (i.e. avoid stray dogs, etc.). I asked her if they would provide transportation, as many of the parents either don't have cars or work various shifts, so might not always be able to drop off/pick up their kids.

That's when she shared something that broke my heart. The pastor had instructed the group of volunteers to go to the "nicer looking" houses in the neighborhood. He went on to justify this by saying that the church doesn't currently have the resources to help the members of the community that, prompted by their invitation to the kids, would flock to their door in need of assistance. While I understand their concern, I think it's a poor excuse that is ultimately cheating the kids who need extracurricular activities the most. The church can always refer people to organizations in the community who require referrals, or even just offer a friendly face to hear someone's story. I can't judge too harshly -- I'm sure the comment emerged from some underlying fear.

It just breaks my heart that a youth choir, with a mission of reaching the kids in the neighborhood, has plans to discriminate against those whose houses don't look "nice." I could get off on a whole other discussion about absentee landlords that leave tenants with nasty looking houses, adding yet another layer of injustice to both the families and the kids, but we'll save that for another day. For now, we'll just pray that God's heart for the Glenwood kids will be revealed to this church body in a completely unadulterated fashion.

Holistic Ministry for Kids (A Case for the 40 Developmental Assets)

2007-07-19T19:48:00.000-05:00

One of the sessions I attended at the Urban Youth Worker’s Institute in May was “Whole Ministry for the Whole Kid and the Whole Church,” led by Kara Powell, Executive Director of Fuller’s Center for Youth and Family Studies and Curt Gibson, Pastor of Neighborhood Student Mentoring at Lake Avenue Church. This was an excellent seminar, based predominantly on the 40 Developmental Assets, which were researched and compiled by the Search Institute, an independent nonprofit organization with a mission of providing research to help promote healthier children, families, and communities. I’d encourage you to take a look at the Assets – there are separate lists for adolescents (ages 12-18), early childhood (ages 3-5), and middle childhood (ages4-6). The following is an overview of the session – it’s helpful for both urban and non-urban kids.

Take a look at the assets real quick, so the rest of the post makes sense.

What problems do kids have today?

What possibilities do these same kids have?

Do you see your kids as half full or half empty?

Kids are not problems to be managed.
They are resources to be developed.

Assets are the developmental building blocks that enable kids to thrive!

External assets
= ecological assets
= resources embedded in surrounding environment or community

Internal assets
= individual assets
= personal resources
= qualities or attitudes of a person

Assets are about people not programs.

31 assets seem to be an important benchmark. The average kid has 19. The average urban kid has 17.

Faith communities increase assets. The assets can help us have holistic ministry that touches kids spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and socially.

The 3 asset factors in which urban kids score higher on average than non-urban kids are social conscience, personal values, and connection to family.

Research has consistently shown that females have more assets than males. Older kids consistently have fewer assets. The gap between urban and non-urban was greatest in middle school.

What assets does your ministry already build?

What would it mean for each adult to view themselves as an asset builder?

What else can our ministry do to build assets?

Question #1: What assets do my kids have?
Question #2: What assets do my kids lack?
Question #3: Of the assets they lack, which would make the most difference?
Question #4: Of the assets they lack, which would be the most do-able to provide?
Question #5: Given my answers to questions 1-4, what 3 assets could and should I focus on?
Question #6: What can I do to develop those 3 assets?

Glenwood Summer Camp!!!

2007-06-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

Well, camp is less than a month away -- so your prayers would be greatly appreciated. The plans are coming along quite well, and the kids are very excited. I have been pleasantly surprised at how responsible they have been regarding all of their requirements.

If you'd like to give some money to help us close the gap in our fundraising goal, you can do so online by visiting this link. Donations are tax-deductible through a partnership with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship; you'll receive a statement at the end of the year as you would for any other donations.

For more information about camp, you can visit the camp website.

More on camp later, I'm sure, but now it's time for church!

From the mouth of babes...

2007-06-02T07:43:00.000-05:00

I took two of our neighborhood girls to see the movie Are We Done Yet at the $2 theater last weekend. The movie was surprisingly clean, although kind of cheesy; however, that's not the point of this post.

On the ride to the theater, the girls were goofing off and making up titles of what the sequels to this movie would be (this one was a sequel to Are We There Yet). Here's the progression of what they came up with:

Are we married yet?
Are we pregnant yet?
Are we divorced yet?

WHAT?!?! I mean, I was glad that they got married and pregnant in the right order, but was deeply saddened that divorced would just be par for the course in a relationship.

What makes me sadder is that I know that this is not just a ghetto issue.

In California!!!

2007-05-18T00:53:00.000-05:00

Well, Kat and I finally made it to California 12 hours after our scheduled arrival time -- but the important thing is that we are here. We are attending the Urban Youth Workers' Institute 2007 Conference. Today was our first workshop and general session, and both proved exciting and challenging. I have a lot that I want to post, but I'm about to fall over right now -- it's almost 2am Greensboro time!

Oh, as a super-exciting side note, it looks like Kat and I are going to go see The Hip Hop Project in LA on Saturday night -- it's only been released in a few cities, and we just happen to be in LA at the same time -- WooHoo! Take a look at the site. I hope the movie proves to be as wonderful as it looks!!

2007-05-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

I picked up an interesting book at Barnes & Noble a few days ago. My initial hope was that it would be helpful for camp, but so far it’s been more intellectual than hands on and practical. Either way, there’s lots of food for thought in this one, so I figured I’d share some quotes and ideas that I’ve encountered so far.

You always hear women rant about how they are objectified, and I suppose that I have agreed with that to some extent in the past…I really haven’t paid it too much attention, though, to be honest. After reading the sections of the book that I have so far, it’s startling just how far hip hop has taken that when you really look at it. As sad as it is, it’s not even surprising to see exposed flesh in the media anymore…it’s not controversial any more (esp. if it’s a woman). We truly are a desensitized nation…or perhaps over-sexualized. I suppose for people who don’t care to see nudity, it’s desensitization…I mean, it’s in there for a reason – sexual gratification.

“Women are the weaker sex. …women’s bodies are made to attract and to please men. …now that women are equal, they should be able to accept being told that they aren’t, quite.” --Harvey Mansfield, Manliness

Regarding a Q&A session Russell Simmons held at Hamilton College…he tried to “keep it real,” and it went all wrong.

“Riled by … the rapper Nelly’s sexually provocative video "Tip Drill" female students swapped volleys with Simmons. … He [suggested] that students just “turn off their television sets,” an increasingly used line by corporate representatives when directly confronted by critics of such programming. Simmons’ argument had the effects of identifying him more with his lucrative financial interests than with his audience. The students, of course, could have easily turned off their television sets. But they were more concerned about the millions of other television sets (79,999,998 to be exact, given BET’s recent market penetration) that were left on, and the unpleasant gender politics and sexual provocations that continually flowed from them.”

And if Russell hadn’t burned himself enough yet…

“He suggested that after acquiring the requisite material trappings of success – cars, houses, jewelry, and “all the p****” they wanted – many rappers still quite unfulfilled. … Audible gasps could be heard in the auditorium, almost filled to capacity. Simmons [had] exemplified for many the role that hip hop has carved out for young women. They were either “hot p**** for sale” – and hence Nelly swipes a credit card through a young woman’s buttocks in the now infamous “Tip Drill” video – or they were “p**** for the taking,” as Louisiana rapper Mystikal explains in “P**** Crook.”

Thoughts from the author:

“The list of social ills and sexual contradictions confronting the hip hop and millennium generations boggles the mind. The hip hop generation in particular is attempting to explore and affirm its sexuality in an era rife with pornography, the mainstreaming of strip clubs, and the sexualization of everything from blue jeans ads to prime-time television. They are also simultaneously running up against chronic unemployment, mind-numbing poverty, affirmative action backlash, police brutality, the growth of the prison-industrial complex, the HIV/AIDS pandemic, the continued war on drugs, and increasing suicide rates, violence, and despair. It is no wonder that irreverence, that old standby of youth, and “girls (and boys) gone (sexually) wild” appear to be the hallmarks of hip hop."

And a last thought, because I know this is a lot.

Regarding hip hop groupies:

“Of the many roles young black women play in hip hop, one of the most rapped about is the groupie. … Mass media and the mainstreaming of hip hop culture have teamed up to expose young black women’s willing participation in sex escapades. Lying prostrate or on bended knees, black groupies are an essential cog in the “playa-pimp-ho-bitch” gearshift of hip hop culture. Like wet wipes, they are convenient and disposable. Indeed, our generation has witnessed the steady emergence of a hip hop groupie culture as a crucial part of the larger hip hop culture. Unfortunately, many of these young black women see their versions of “girls gone wild” as the fruit of women’s sexual liberation.”

The sad reality is, I know that a lot of my girls would kill to be one of the video-ho “wet wipes” Sharpley-Whiting describes.

The prodigal blogger...

2007-05-06T15:47:00.000-05:00

I've always been bad about starting blogs then abandoning them, only to come back 6 months later. And here I am again. :) I have more time on my hands now that summer has rolled around, and intend to use some of it to upload my thoughts for you all to peruse. Hopefully I'll be a little more diligent this time around!

Oh, and I'm in the process of going back and tagging posts...so keep an eye out!

Hear Ye, Hear Ye...

2006-11-14T22:38:00.000-05:00

Christian pop culture has hit an all-time low...

7 Deadly Social Sins

2006-11-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

7 Deadly Social Sins
- Gandhi

Politics without principle
Wealth without work
Commerce without morality
Pleasure without conscience
Education without character
Science without humanity
Worship without sacrifice

Come Boldly?

2006-10-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

This weekend at Party of Prayer, Pastor Will Dungee (Grace Community Church) spoke about the true fatherhood of God. Calling God our "Father" is not just symbolic, not simply a tool to help us understand him better, or even to help us feel comfortable around such a "huge" God. He is not like a father, he is our (F)father. Will coupled this with an illustration of his family.

As he was in his office preparing for his talk, his daughter came bursting into the room, and climbed in his lap. Anytime she goes to her brother or mother's room, she knocks. But when it's daddy in the room, she just goes in (boldly). If it had been anyone else to burst in and jump in his lap, we would have flipped out, but it was his daughter. His pride and joy, his beloved. BUT, the story doesn't stop there. It didn't take long for her to announce that she didn't want to listen to the slow song that Will had playing; she wanted a fast song. And half-way through the fast song, she wanted a different one. So, let's recap. Will is prayerfully preparing for a talk at InterVarsity. His daughter bursts in, sits in the middle of his work, and demands to hear the music she wants (which changes every few minutes). And you know what? He attends to her. He is glad that she is there. He delights in her.

And God is the same way. We can crawl into his lap and simply say, Daddy, I love you. Daddy, I want to spend time with you. Now, this is not to take away from the vastness, the mystery, and the overall awesomeness (and I don't mean cool-awesome...although he is pretty cool) of God...He absolutely is all-powerful, in charge, and to be feared. But not in a cowering, lowly fear. A fear out of respect. Christ tells us to "Come boldly to the throne of Grace," which is exactly what Will's daughter did with him. She came boldly in and knew she would be accepted.

Why is it that we always think God will reject us? I suppose one item to consider is the fact that we live in a culture of achievement. It's all about what you can accomplish, preferably on your own, to prove your worth. But the truth is, Jesus has us covered. When he died, his blood covered us ALL. Believers and skeptics alike. When we come before the Lord, he sees the coverage of blood, and accepts us, regardless of all the mess that lies underneath.

Now, let's add to the mix the idea of spagkhnozomai that John Freeman talked about in service this morning. The literal gut-wrenching compassion that God has for us. He desires community with us so much that his stomach is in knots. He has a gut-wrenching desire for us to COME BOLDLY to him.

How amazing is that? How humbling?? God desires community, not from me, which implies my control, but with me, and I continually run away. I give myself away to so many inconsequential things, meanwhile the One who truly desires me I turn away from.

I pray (slightly bolder than before) that God would be patient with me as I learn to trust him more, learning not only how to trust Him as a father, but discovering what a father really is.

Hannahfest 2006

2006-09-30T15:35:00.000-05:00

Hannahfest 2006
A "Friend-Raising" Event

Sunday, October 22, 2006
2:00pm to 7:00pm
5432 Yanceyville Road
Brown Summit, NC

Food! Entertainment! Hot-Air Balloon Ride! Silent Auction!

Suggested Ticket Price: $10.00

Please email Denine for information and/or to purchase tickets.

Prostitution 101

2006-09-24T11:11:00.000-05:00

So, I'm finally rolling around to reading this book
that I bought this summer - Prostitution: On
Whores, Hustlers, and Johns. I've only read a
little bit so far, but it's quite interesting. It's
basically a series of essays regarding all aspects of
prostitution.

I just read the introduction by Dr. Joycelyn Elders, the former Surgeon General who became infamous for her liberal views on sexuality. While I don't agree with all of what she says, I think a lot of truth rang through this essay. A lot of it is controversial, and like I said, I might not agree with all of it, but I think it's worth a read. Here are a few of the highlights of the essay...definitely food for thought. (On a side note, this book was published in 1998, so I'm sure some of the statistics are different now).

The real issues [regarding unsafe sex] occur
because of poor education - because of the things
we've often been taught. You know where it all
started. It started at church. We have our
ministers up there in the pulpit, preaching to the
choir and the congregation when they really need to
be out in the streets dealing with the real problems
that our society faces.

---

The other thing that I think we need to ask is Why do
people go into prostitution? Most of the men and
women who become sex workers do so because they're
having trouble with money. They're really doing it
to stay out of poverty or because they're poor. So
poverty is often the cause of prostitution and I
think we need to deal with that. I'm not saying that
eliminating poverty is the only cure, but I think it
is very significant. Some of the studies show that
as the economy goes down, prostitution of both men
and women goes up. When we start cutting Aid to
Families with Dependent Children (AFDC), we find more
AFDC moms being arrested for prostitution. We've
known for many years that many women marry just for
money. To me, that's one more form of prostitution.

---

Nobody should be forced into prostitution or into
having sex . Let me tell you a fact. Eighty-four
percent of the girls fourteen and under who become
pregnant were abused by somebody in their own home.
Eighty-four percent! Sixty-six and two-thirds
percent of all teenagers who become pregnant have
been abused at some time during their life. We spend
billions of dollars in this country trying to
prosecute prostitution, which is sex between
consenting adults, and we do nothing about the abuse
of children. Many children in this country and
around the world are exploited for profit and
unhealthy criminal desires. I feel that we need to
begin to spend those funds not on trying to prosecute
sex between consenting adults, but on making sure
that all children will have the opportunity to grow
up healthy, educatied, motivated, and with hope for
the future.

---

We [the United States] control 25 percent of the
world's wealth and have only 5 percent of the world's
population; yet we can't feed and house our own
people. We have children in America who will only be
members of what I call the "5H Club": children who
are Hungry - every night we have 5 million children
who go to bed hungry - then Home-less; Health-less;
Hug-less; and Hope-less. That's a real problem.

---

I read the report that San Francisco did on its sex
workers. I thought the most awful thing that I read
in that report was the idea of taking condoms away
from sex workers. Can you believe that? Our country
does many stupid things. When we start criminalizing
disease or medical problems, we start making
mistakes. Just think, we don't furnish clean needles
because we say, "Well, if we furnish clean needles
that says we support legalization of durgs."
Furnishing clean needles doesn't mean you support
drug legalization, it means that you want to prevent
death and disease.

It's very important to recognize that every time you
have sex with somebody, you're not really having sex
with one person; you're having sex with all the
people in their history. Sometimes you're having sex
with up to 537 different people. You really can't
tell by looking if someone has HIV. So I bemoan the
fact that we are not out there promoting safe sex.
We're not educating people to be safe because we're
not making condoms available. They should be
available everywhere. Condoms cost health
departments five to ten cents a piece or less. I had
a woman call me one time and she said, "Dr. Elders, I
just can't possibly consider using my tax dollars to
pay for condoms. I said, "Ma'am, I buy condoms for a
nickel a dozen." They were almost giving them to us
at the health department. I said, "We spend more
than 100 million dollars a year on AFDC, or food
stamps and Medicaid for teenagers who give birth to
children." I said, "How many condoms, at a nickel a
dozen, do you think $100 million will buy?" She
said, "Thank you, Dr. Elders."

Submission

2006-09-04T15:55:00.000-05:00

James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

In July, Will preached a sermon about submitting ourselves to God. Something I thought I had always done well. Sure, I depend on God, I know he'll take care of me, I know I "need" him. But the truth is, I didn't know that. In fact, what I did "know" is that I could handle it all on my own, and that if it did happen to fall through, that God had my back.

Needless to say, the Lord really checked me that Sunday. So, I went home, laid on the couch, and offered a simple prayer: Lord, I submit myself. I don't really know what that looks like, but I know that I can trust you. I can't promise that I'm going to do a very good job at this, but you have grace for that. I promise to try. Lord, just take me - I submit my life to you. And then I fell asleep.

Prior to this decision, I had chosen to live in a spiritual desert for over a year. I really struggle with complacency. I love feeling close to the Lord, but more often than not I choose the path of least resistance (but greatest consequence).

A few days later, my Glenwood family returned home from the Dominican Republic. And on their first day home, Denine & Suzanne each dropped a bombshell on me. I won't go in to details to respect their privacy, but let's just say my whole world was kicked off it's axis. And I immediately remembered my decision to submit. Dang it Lord! Arrrggghhhhh....but I guess you know what you're doing...I still submit. I'm angry, I'm sad, I want to break something, but I'm willing to see where you're going with this.

And I still don't know where he's going...but I trust him.

This submission to the Lord has yielded good things as well. I am always stressed out about lots of things - work, school, money, you know...all the normal things. Not even a month after I decided to just let the Lord handle it, rather than trying to fix it all myself (and screwing it or myself up, as always) I found out that my tuition is now being covered. And, starting this month, I have health insurance for the first time in over a year and a half.

Beyond all the material relief that has come my way, I have been refreshed spiritually/emotionally as well. I've found myself able to enjoy worship more, and being excited to spend time with the Lord. That doesn't mean that I'm terribly diligent, but I'm working on it :) One step at a time...

I still struggle with being in control (and have the muscle tension to show for it...), but I'm working on giving it over to God. As difficult as it is, I know I can trust him. I remember hearing someone say once, that when we can't take that leap of faith, we should rest in knowing that we can simply fall at the feet of our Father; He will always catch us.

So now, to just let go and fall. I know where I'll land.

How America Was Discovered

2006-08-25T22:15:00.000-05:00

This is a text we read in my early American authors course...very interesting. This is an oral tradition, originally from Handsome Lake of the Seneca. This translation was recorded by A.C. Parker; he is Seneca as well, so the integrity of the text has been preserved.

According to Chief Cornplanter, Handsome Lake taught that America was discovered in the manner here related.
A great queen had among her servants a young minister. Upon a certain occasion she requested him to dust some books that she had hidden in an old chest. Now when the young man reached the bottom of the chest he found a wonderful book which he opened and read. It told that the white me had killed the son of the Creator and it said, moreover, that he had promised to return in three days and then again in forty but that he never did. All his followers then began to despair but some said, "He surely will come again some time." When the young preacher read this book he was worried because he had discovered that he had been deceived adn that his Lord was not on earth and had not returned when he promised. So he went to some of the chief preachers and asked them about the matter and they answered that he had better seek the Lord himself and find if he were not on the earth now. So he prepared to find the Lord and the next day when he looked out into the river he saw a beautiful island and marveled that he had never noticed it before. As he continued to look he saw a castle built of gold in the midst of the island and he marveled that he had not seen the castle before. Then he thought that so beautiful a palace on so beautiful an isle must surely be the abode of the son of the Creator. Immediately he went to the wise men adn told them what he had seen and they wondered greatly and answered that it must indeed be the house of the Lord. So together they went to the river and when they came to it they found that it was spanned by a bridge of gold. Then one of the preachers fell down and prayed a long time and arising to cross the bridge turned back because he was afraid to meet his Lord. Then the other crossed the bridge and knelt down upon the grass and prayed but he became afraid to go near the house. So the young man went boldly over to attend to the business at hand and walking up to the door knocked. A handsome man welcomed him into a room and bade him be of ease. "I wanted you," he said. "You are bright young man; those old fools will not suit me for they would be afraid to listen to me. Listen to me, young man, and you will be rich. Across the ocean there is a great country of which you have never heard. The people there are virtuous, they have no evil habits or appetites but are honest and single-minded. A great reward is yours if you enter into my plans and carry them out. Here are five things. Carry them over to the people across the ocean and never shall you want for wealth, position or power. Take these cards, this money, this fiddle, this whiskey and this blood corruption and give them all to the people across the water. The cards will make them gamble away their goods and idle away their time, the money will make them dishonest and covetous, the fiddle will make them dance with women and their lower nature will command them, the whiskey will excite their minds to evil doing and turn their minds, and the blood corruption will eat their strength and rot their bones."
The young man thought this a good bargain and promised to do as the man had commanded him. He left the palace and when he had stepped over the bridge it was gone, likewise the golden palace and also the island. Now he wondered if he had seen the Lord but he did not tell the great ministers of his bargain because they might try to forstall him. So he looked about and at length found Columbus to whom he told the whole story. So Columbus fitted out some boats and sailed out into the ocean to find the land on the other side. When he had sailed for many days on the water the sailors said that unless Columbus turned about and went home they would behead him but he asked for another day and on that day land was seen and that land was America. Then they turned around and going back reported what they had discovered. Soon a great flock of ships came over the ocean and white men came swarming into the country bringing with them cards, money, fiddles, whiskey, and blood corruption.
Now the man who had appeared in the gold palace was the devil and when afterward he saw what his words had done he said that he had made a great mistake and even he lamented that his evil had been so enormous.

Social welfare beliefs

2006-08-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

In my Intro to Social Work course we talked about three of the main Value Belief Systems of the social welfare institution. Apparently most social workers fall under the Judeo-Christian model, regardless of their religious persuasion. Makes for an interesting read.

Capitalist-Puritan
Thought to be the most powerful belief system in our society. Often thought of as common sense, or even as American (part of our American heritage).

Basic Assumptions:

Human beings are responsible for their own success or failure.
Human nature is basically evil, but it can be overcome by an act of will.
The primary purpose of people is to achieve material prosperity through hard work.
The primary purpose of society is to maintain law and order which makes material prosperity possible.
Unsuccessful or deviant persons are not deserving of help.
Primary incentives to change are found in economic or physical rewards and punishments.

Humanist-Positive-Utopian
Value-belief system held by most social scientists and many liberals. There is some conflict between this system and religion.

Basic Assumptions:

Primary purpose of society is to fulfill man's material and emotional needs.
If man's needs are fulfilled, maturity, well adjustment, productivity would follow and society's problems would be solved.
What hampers man from attaining this state is external circumstances that are generally not under his individual control.
Man and society are ultimately perfectible.

Judeo-Christian
There are values which are acceptable to the other systems. Assumptions are made which underlie much activity of individuals who are concerned with helping others.

Basic Assumptions:

Sense of man's common vulnerability.
Looking at problems from the point of view of the helped person rather than from the outside (this makes you more sensitive to the needs of others).
Emphasis is on relationship as the principal means of helping others.

Provision

2006-07-21T14:07:00.000-05:00

Early this morning most of the Glenwood team and the GUPpies left for the Dominican Republic.

We planned on leaving Greensboro last night at 6:30pm to drive to Pastor Will Dungee's house. The team had to be at the airport by 4:30am, and his house is a bit closer to the airport. We loaded the Grace van and started on our way, only to be met by a horrible smell and smoke pouring from the van. After a long conversation with both Will and Tripp (king of the van), we decided it wouldn't be safe to chance a trip to Raleigh and back.

So, we developed plans B & C.
Plan B - drive 3 cars, Will & I would bring two back and pay for parking for the third.
Plan C - ask the Pastor of the Vietnamese church (who lives across the street from Grace) if we could borrow his church's van. Mind you, none of us have ever spoken to this family...we've waved, but for all intents and purposes, there was no real relationship. As odd as it was though, we found that this was the choice option.

So, Marshall, Suzanne, & I headed across the street to ask. Marshall had barely begun to explain that they were travelling to the DR for a missions trip when Pastor Vo sent his daughter to get the keys. No questions asked. No proof of who we were needed. Instead, he apologized that the van didn't have air conditioning!

On the drive back to Will's house after dropping off the team, Will commented that he was humbled by the ordeal. When it comes to forging new relationships, we so often think of what we can do for the other person - how we can help them, when sometimes the Lord just wants to bless us. This was one of those times.

We had nothing to give at the time, no collateral to ensure safe return of their van -- only the amazing provision of God, and the peace he gave them in loaning their van to us.

Selling Jesus

2006-06-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

The past couple of days I've noticed a few things that are quite disturbing... Obviously the Christian subculture has become a hideously commercial entity -- with everything from WWJD bracelets to the Construction Workers Bible to Test-a-mints breathmints. It's coming to the point where we can walk around in a perfectly Christian bubble almost 24 hours a day...but we'll save that debate for another day.

Here are the two latest disturbing observations...

1. The United Pentecostal Church of Harvey in Harvey, IL, is paying people to attend church. Yes, that's right. The first 75 people to walk through the door at each of two services, and stay for the 90 minute duration, receive $25. There's a lot I could say about this...but I'll let the church leadership speak for itself.

"It doesn't matter how we get them in the door as long as we get them here."
- Rev. Anthony Cox, Co-Pastor

Cox said that they also hope the $25 lure will turn folks into regular attendees.

The idea of giving money to get people to a worship service is not inherently wrong "as long as it doesn't overshadow the church's message."
- David Jackson, Executive Administrator of hte United Pentecostal Church International

Okay...I might buy this, EXCEPT...

"To alert community members to this Sunday's "Money Service," the Harvey church posted 50 signs along busy streets with the tagline "We know our Church is WORTH it!"
- Chicago Tribune

And finally, a word from a member.

"We're told to spread the gospel by any means."
- Tina Richardson, member, Harvey United Pentecostal Church

I would encourage you to read the Chicago Tribune's article here. There are a few comments that almost redeem them...but I'll let you judge that for yourself.

2. Christian Millionaires So, we've all seen these scams where you make $25,000 in one week, right? You only work 3 hours a day from home with no apparent difficulty. You see commercials with beautiful women on sailboats and middle-aged men in Aston-Martins. Well, now there's an opportunity you don't want to miss...YOU can be mentored by Christian Millionaires! Earn $7,000 Over and Over and OVER again! I saw it on a sign today outside of Walmart. Ridiculous. And, to add to their "missional" focus...the name of their website is ImpactOthers.com. I say missional lightly...there's no missional focus on their site. How are you going to impact others? By mentoring them on how to become millionares too?

I've got an idea for you...how about hard work, a strict budget, and maybe a little investing?! In legitimate enterprises!

trouble concentrating?

2006-06-22T23:12:00.000-05:00

One of the funniest commercials I've seen in a while...

"I can't concentrate...I wonder if I'm pregnant?" When you need to know...choose EPT, the Error Proof Test.

Let me tell ya...pregnancy is the first thing I think of when I can't concentrate!!

Updates...

2006-06-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

So, the time has come...GUPY. While I dread packing up (have to do it by Friday afternoon...), I am very excited about the new folks coming to spend their time in Glenwood. One of the GUPYs I know from my freshman year at LR - and I couldn't be more excited that he's coming. I also met one of the girls, who is originally from Greensboro, and can't wait for her to dip into the "other side" of the city.

Hannah's Haven has it's first resident!! I met her last weekend...she seems very nice, and I look forward to seeing her around.
***Edit*** I stand corrected, Hannah's Haven does not have any residents yet. Take a look at their website for current news. Sorry!!

My Aunt Charlotte passed away Monday, June 12th, so I went to NJ this weekend to go to the memorial. It was very short, but to the point. She suffered for a long time, so at least that is over with. She has always been resistant to "religion," and I honestly don't know where she stood when she died. My hope is that, when faced with death, she took her chances and believed.

And that's it for now...

Where my girls at

2006-06-06T22:50:00.000-05:00

On the radio this morning I heard a DJ recommend to a "lonely listener" that he go to a church singles group to meet women.

**Insert (any number of adjectives) comment here**

Let the tin foiling begin!!

2006-06-04T22:53:00.000-05:00

In honor of Scott's birthday, I tin foiled his office (with the help of Suzanne, of course)!

Human Trafficking

2006-06-03T00:26:00.000-05:00

First, Human Trafficking is an excellent movie I recommend to everyone. I was a little put off by the fact that it's a Lifetime Movie...but the title piqued my interest, and I'm glad it did. This movie is by no means your mushy scorned woman Lifetime movie...It's a call to action.

More importantly, Human Trafficking is a serious issue that plagues society, and is a lot closer to home than most people think. Here are some of the stats, pulled primarily from Relevant Magazine and the Office for Victims of Crime:

Throughout the world, anywhere from 1 to 4 million people are sold each year for sexual exploitation.
70-80% are women or young girls
50% are children
12.3 million people are enslaved against their will at any given time
Sex trading generates $9.5 billion in annual revenue
The number of US citizens trafficked within the United States is higher than foreign citizens trafficked into the US, with an estimated 200,000 American children at risk for trafficking into the sex industry.

"Scripture is filled with God's teaching about His love for justice and the oppressed."
--Penny Hunter, International Justice Mission

Scripture to pray through regarding human trafficking:
James 1:27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Matthew 19:14 - Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Luke 17:1-2 - Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.
Mark 9:37 - "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me."
Psalm 9:9 - The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Mark 10:14-16 - When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

And finally, some organizations you can find more info at. I haven't visited all of these, so you'll have to make your own judgement call :)
http://www.saveaslave.com
http://www.ijm.org
http://www.theviolenceoflight.com
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/tiprpt/2005
http://www.protectionproject.org
http://www.freetheslaves.net
http://www.humantrafficking.com
http://www.humantrafficking.org
http://www.worldrevolution.org/guide/humantrafficking
http://www.ovc.gov/ncvrw/2005/pg5l.html

Movie Review: THE SQUID AND THE WHALE

2006-05-31T22:37:00.000-05:00

Directed & Written by Noah Baumbach
Rated R for strong sexual content, graphic dialogue and language.
Awards - lots of nominations and wins in multiple categories
Keep an eye out for Anna Paquin - Rogue from the X-Men films
Jeff Daniels gives an excellent performance, especially compared to his recent films

The Squid and the Whale definitely falls into the category of "indie film." It's a relatively dark movie about two brothers, a preteen and teen, who are dealing with their parents decision to divorce. Both parents are writers, leading the film down the "artsy" path. The father is a wash-up; a top-selling author turned professor, with a major victim complex. The mother has recently "discovered her voice," publishing a book and even landing an excerpt in the New Yorker, and also has frequent unconcealed affairs. Walt, the older son, views his father as a god among writers, the all-knowing. He so respects his father's opinions that he never reads any literature; he merely memorizes his father's commentary. He blindly conforms to his father's ideals through most of the movie...we finally see the root issue towards the end. Frank, the younger son, willingly accepts the title "Philistine" - a person his father describes as uninterested in the arts, especially literature and film. Frank wants to be a tennis pro. He also despises the fact that he has his father's bone structure.

The Squid and the Whale is true to form for "artsy" movies in that it provides no clear solution/ending; however, it leaves you satisfied enough. The movie is dark, mostly as a result of the way the parents manipulate their children, however we see a glimmer of hope towards the end.

And I guess if we're going to pull one important lesson from the movie, it would be the tagline: Joint custody blows.

Despicable...

2006-05-24T22:02:00.000-05:00

Saw this on Michele's blog, figured I'd post the link here as well. This is absolutely horrible. Apparently two elderly women took out big insurance policies on a couple of homeless men, then killed them to collect the money. There were 2 hit and run cases 5 years apart, and these women were the beneficiaries. Thankfully the police department noticed. It really breaks my heart.

Click here to watch the clip on CNN

hip hop is more than weed...duh

2006-05-23T21:20:00.000-05:00

I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to go into that last post a little more. There are obviously lots of ways to incorporate hip hop into education. You can rap multiplication tables, use song lyrics to teach poetry, etc.

There has been some pretty heated discussion in my class...a lot of it racially based - imagine that - a class that is pretty evenly mixed with African Americans and Caucasians (if we're going to use the fancy words...) about hip hop.

Either way, I thought I should just make the point that I definitely do not see drug abuse as being unique to hip hop, and that when I think of hip hop, drugs aren't the first thing to come to mind. I grew up in the backwoods of Florida - Bay County has often been called the "Meth Capital of Florida." There are lots of stories I can tell regarding the drug abuse among the poor white kids I went to school with, but I don't know that it's even necessary.

I have lots of stuff that I'll eventually add, but right now it's a bit of a mess in my head.

marijuana as a teaching tool

2006-05-20T09:45:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a summer course right now called Hip Hop Culture. It's quite interesting so far. All of our "class discussions" are conducted online using blackboard.

One of our questions to discuss was the appropriateness of teaching hip hop in the classroom/using hip hop as a teaching tool. Some folks have said only in high school, others have said, hey...the kids already hear it, why not use it in elementary school. Why not? Well, here's what one classmate said:

"I agree that they may hear it in everyday life but teaching fractions and measurements using marijuana isn't exactly appropriate for a school system to use. Even though kids would probably pay more attention and learn more if we did it that way, it is still not sociably acceptable and parents would be outraged." -LA

Worship Dance Night

2006-05-18T21:07:00.000-05:00

Come see my girls dance!!

Dance Worship Night
Saturday, May 20, 7pm
Elim Christian Fellowship
Greensboro, NC
Westover Terrace/Aycock Street
(across from Grimsley High School)

Summer Reading List

2006-05-18T07:56:00.000-05:00

I visited Ed McKay's the other day...definitely came out with more books than I expected, but I'm excited.

Well, here it is

Dayna's Summer Urban Reading List

Bronx Masquerade, Nikki Grimes

Prostitution: On Whores, Hustlers, and Johns

MONSTER: The Autobiography of an L.A. Gang Member, Sanyika Shakur, aka Monster Kody Scott

How the Other Half Lives, Jacob A. Riis

There Are No Children Here: The Story of Two Boys Growing Up in the Other America, Alex Kotlowitz

Children of the City: At Work & At Play, David Nasaw

It was founded in the foundations

2006-05-17T17:43:00.000-05:00

Lyrics from Mat Kearney's Girl America, from the album Nothing Left to Lose

My girl America is just a youth in this world
Her smile is more precious than the sparkle of pearls
And though her age reads she's just a young girl
The age behind her eyes show the pain that she's swirled
Through the hand that's been dealth though it's quiet as kept
The weight was all felt last night when she slept
And as she crept into the dreams of the things of her past
Seems to have grown so fast, way beyond her own class
Though they're right there with her, her brothers and her sisters
A natural born leader even when her peers dis her
My girl, she's at a crossroads, people praying for her
Some are preying on her magazine ads, sex, drama
Smoking marijuana, longing for a father to call her, 'daughter'
She's part of a generation longing for reconciliation
And this future that they're facing and this poision that they're tasting
My girl, I know this love that you're chasing
/
My girl America's crying when she's lying on her bed at night
I can see that she's screaming when she's dreaming for her freedom
My girl America's dying while she's trying just to stop this fight
Don't stop believing, my girl America
/
Boys with hungry eyes have been beating her door
Telling her that's what she's for, trying to rob at her core
Then leaving calling her a whore, but still she knows there's more
I know she knows there's more because there is a voice she can't ignore
'Cause it was founded in the foundations, from the day of her creation
In God we trust engraved on the treasures of her nation
And the void that the boys can't fill
With the tipping of the bottle or the popping of the pill
But still most of her friends don't care as they glare
Ready to drown down the funnel as they frown down the tunnel
They stumble and they tumble breaking down into the rubble
My girl America, stop can't you see
It's not the circumstances that determine who you're gonna be
But how you deal with these problems and the pains that come your way
It's for you that I pray with hope for a brighter day
And so I say, your deliverance is coming
//
Faith like a child from your first birth
You left it in the dirt on your worst hurt
And I see each tear and every scar
The hands that have held you where you are
And I can see we've strayed so far
A king born under that morning star
As a crown of thorns was placed to erase
Each tear that's touched your face
And his palms and sides where pierced with spears
He hung in love just to draw you near
My girl, out of this world
Can't you see this is where we started
//
My girl America's crying when she's lying on her bed at night
I can see that she's screaming when she's dreaming for her freedom
My girl America's dying while she's trying just to stop this fight
Don't stop believing, my girl America

The shot heard 'round the world

2006-05-07T13:34:00.000-05:00

Hmph... Someone got shot at the park by my house Friday night. You can read Marshall's post about it, too.

How about it for another male role model.

Deal...or No Deal

2006-05-03T10:23:00.000-05:00

On my way home from class today, I walked past what I think may have been a "significant" drug deal. I say this for several reasons - first, the two guys were in a secluded gravel parking lot, next to the train tracks behind a building that people rarely go to; also, most deals that happen in our neighborhood occur out in the open - no secrets in Glenwood. It's not just that they were chillin in the parking lot, there was an obvious "trading of goods" going on.

The small deals don't really catch my eye anymore...they're pretty routine (as sad as that is...). The thing that really struck me this time is that I thought about calling the police, then quickly convinced myself not to. See, the two men definitely saw me look at them, and I feel pretty sure I know who one of them is. I rarely feel scared in my neighborhood, but today, I thought about what would happen if the police did arrive just minutes after our exchange of looks. The man definitely knows where I live, and while I don't have any reason to think that he would do anything, I still wonder. And, I mean, why shouldn't I call the police? Drugs are illegal, right? Drugs are the thing that are ruining so many of my neighbors' lives, aren't they?

Still, no calls to the police today. Instead, a prayer for the two men involved in the trade, and for clarity as to what to do in future situations of this nature.

New blog...

2006-05-02T08:48:00.000-05:00

"The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood." John 1:14 (MSG)

Yes, even the forgotten neighborhoods. The ones riddled with prostitution, drugs, neglected and angry children - but at the same time filled with caring grandmothers, people trying to make an honest wage, friends hanging out in front yards. The Word has moved into my neighborhood, and while many people may not be aware yet, I see Him everyday. I think we're called to see God in the small things - in B, who relentlessly quotes scripture, and talks about how he could be and do a lot of things one day, if he could just quit the booz - in J, who admits to lying to get what he wants, and is tired of the street, but just can't quit - in L, an angry and confused little girl who wants to fit in to the culture forced on her by her peers, but struggles with knowing that God has called her to be so much more.

They are worthy, loved, precious, important, fearfully and wonderfully made.