Submission

James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

In July, Will preached a sermon about submitting ourselves to God. Something I thought I had always done well. Sure, I depend on God, I know he'll take care of me, I know I "need" him. But the truth is, I didn't know that. In fact, what I did "know" is that I could handle it all on my own, and that if it did happen to fall through, that God had my back.

Needless to say, the Lord really checked me that Sunday. So, I went home, laid on the couch, and offered a simple prayer: Lord, I submit myself. I don't really know what that looks like, but I know that I can trust you. I can't promise that I'm going to do a very good job at this, but you have grace for that. I promise to try. Lord, just take me - I submit my life to you. And then I fell asleep.

Prior to this decision, I had chosen to live in a spiritual desert for over a year. I really struggle with complacency. I love feeling close to the Lord, but more often than not I choose the path of least resistance (but greatest consequence).

A few days later, my Glenwood family returned home from the Dominican Republic. And on their first day home, Denine & Suzanne each dropped a bombshell on me. I won't go in to details to respect their privacy, but let's just say my whole world was kicked off it's axis. And I immediately remembered my decision to submit. Dang it Lord! Arrrggghhhhh....but I guess you know what you're doing...I still submit. I'm angry, I'm sad, I want to break something, but I'm willing to see where you're going with this.

And I still don't know where he's going...but I trust him.

This submission to the Lord has yielded good things as well. I am always stressed out about lots of things - work, school, money, you know...all the normal things. Not even a month after I decided to just let the Lord handle it, rather than trying to fix it all myself (and screwing it or myself up, as always) I found out that my tuition is now being covered. And, starting this month, I have health insurance for the first time in over a year and a half.

Beyond all the material relief that has come my way, I have been refreshed spiritually/emotionally as well. I've found myself able to enjoy worship more, and being excited to spend time with the Lord. That doesn't mean that I'm terribly diligent, but I'm working on it :) One step at a time...

I still struggle with being in control (and have the muscle tension to show for it...), but I'm working on giving it over to God. As difficult as it is, I know I can trust him. I remember hearing someone say once, that when we can't take that leap of faith, we should rest in knowing that we can simply fall at the feet of our Father; He will always catch us.

So now, to just let go and fall. I know where I'll land.