One of our girls, K, is pregnant. 5 months or so, now. About a month ago Suzanne and I took her out to dinner to talk to her about her pregnancy, what her plans were, and to make sure she knew all of her options. Overall, it went very well. We had dinner, then went over to Target to pick up some maternity clothes for her, as she could no longer button her jeans. Later, I went out and picked up one more outfit for her. Everytime we've seen her since then, she's been wearing one outfit or the other, so it was clear that she needed some more clothes. When we were out the first time, we told her that we'd see if we could find some more for her, and she said that sounded fine.
Fast forward to today. A friend of ours bought several outfits for K, and I had picked up another piece or two as well. They've been sitting at my house for a week or two. Today we saw K at her grandma's house, and she didn't speak to us. At all. I figured that she must've just woken up or something -- a lot of our kids are pretty grouchy if they're tired. Later we ran to my house to pick up the bag of clothes to take to her. Suzanne jumped out of the car and took them over to K. To our surprise/dismay/hurt/??? K, with a hardened look on her face, said "I don't want them. I don't need them." And turned away.
I don't know what happened in the last month. I don't know why she's so angry with us, but it's clear something has happened. I wonder if it's the "charity" thing, that maybe someone said something to her about it. I don't know. At this point, I don't even view it as charity. She's a friend, a loved one. Whether she needed maternity clothes or not, I still would have wanted to buy her some, just because it's so exciting.
Anyhow, it didn't bother me so much at the moment, but the more I think about it, the more it saddens me. In a deep, deep way.
4 comments:
Thanks for writing this Dayna. I am wrestling with the rejection and the hurt. As hours go by I realize how much I love K and the whole family and today was hard in more ways then one with this fam.
D-
I am so sorry. It does hurt. But just as Dory told the fish in Nemo so that they could break free of the opressive net, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" YOU make a difference! I love you girl!
Nichole
This, I think, brings us to a bigger-picture question re: ministry in Glenwood. Even when our hearts our sincere and our motives are pure as can be, there is still a power dynamic at work as we give things (campus, tutoring, maternity clothes, food) to families that we work with. It is humbling to receive constantly, and perhaps that is some of the pushback we sometimes receive. Of course, with this fam, there are all sorts of other issues at play. But I think we who are ministering there need to be taking a hard look at how we are not only giving but also empowering and sharing with those we work with.Probably more to come on this topic on my blog in the future.
Marshall -- I'm with you on the empowerment side. I think healthy ministry is always more holistic -- the whole idea of not slapping a bandaid on someone, but figuring out (or leading them to discover) the root problem and engaging the whole person - spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. But, even in the midst of holistic ministry, there's still a gaping wound that needs a bandaid.
The other piece of rejection we experienced in this situation that I didn't blog about was rejection of a more "empowering" approach. We got everything set up for her at the pregnancy care center where she could take classes, etc. and EARN pregnancy and infant items, including carseats, etc. There was initial excitement, and then when it was her turn to step up and finish the registration process, she backed out. In light of that, I suppose she made her choice. It's just hard to know when to stop pursuing.
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